Three months after her diagnosis, I am noticing that my mother's cognitive capacity is steadily declining. I've learned so much through my online support group and through the literature I've been reading. My mother's case of Alzheimer's disease seems "classic" in so many ways. Beyond forgetfulness, she is complacent, moody, and to put it simply, I never know what version of my mother I will see when I open the door to her room for a visit.
On the rare occasion, she is cheerful. Last weekend when I found her up and about, I told her how thrilled I was. "Let's celebrate and go for coffee & donuts!" I exclaimed. My mom's eyes lit up at the prospect of an outing. I threw a jacket on her, and we giddily rushed out the building to my car, and then she began to obsess over the fact that she had forgotten her purse. "I need my purse. I never leave home without my purse..." While trying to reassure her that it was okay, I would pay, she could not let go of the fact that she was without it. That was, until our adventure began. The first Tim Horton's we reached had a big sign on the door: "Service au volant seulement". I turned to look, and there were cones placed in the drive-thru lane. Ugh. "Back in the car, mama. Let's find another place." Stopped at a local bakery literally 3 minutes too late (closed at 4pm, arrived at 4:03pm). Once again, back in the car. Drove to the other side of Candiac where once again, there was no sign of life at Timmy's (thankfully, neither of us had to get out of the car to figure this out). Finally at the 3rd Tim Horton's (Delson), the drive-thru was open and we got our box of Timbits. "Let's make coffee at your apartment, mama" (she has a Keurig machine which I take every opportunity possible, to teach her how to use). She laughed a lot during our mini-adventure and at how unlucky we were. When we returned to her apartment, she made each of us a coffee in her Keurig (with guidance), and we sat and enjoyed each other's company for a bit.
My mother's memory is spotty at best. Her short-term memory is awful, although she remembers odd and random things ("You had to teach me that the nurse is a man. Even though he's a man, he's a nurse!" "I had a walk-in closet at my last apartment."). Most of the 2000's are gone from her memory or completely out of order, and she seems to only have a firm grip on a handful of memories from the time she started her family. Her childhood and early adulthood are most vivid, and this seems to be a common trait of dementia patients. Even her most vivid memories are few, as her stories are repetitive. I do my best to listen each time with interest.
Each day that I spend with my mom, I know the memories we create are more for me than for her. Yet, I try to offer some variety of experiences. The week my mom moved into the care residence, I spotted a planner / agenda for sale on a Facebook Marketplace post. Look at the cover and how beautiful and fitting it is for my mom!
I drove about 20km just to gratefully pick it up and begin my "saving memories" project for my mom. Next was an Instax camera (Polaroid-style, instant photos) to snap photos of special moments, and some colourful stickers to affix the photos into her planner. So now my mom has a planner to keep track of her appointments and her memories. I ask her to flip through it every day to see what's coming, and what's happened lately. Here are a couple of sample pages:
The time change and the colder weather will affect my mother as the weeks roll on. I'm fearing depression and further confusion. The staff at the care residence are excellent and doing their best. But more on that in another post. It's time to make new memories. For me. For her. For my father, whose spirit is watching me and asking me to take good care of his wife. Look at me and smile, mama. I want to capture that smile forever.
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